The one-time Jockey Slut cartoonist on the Jerky Lizard, giving the thumbs-up, post-set and the Kwik Save years…

‘Big up your chest with message-type vibes’ is on your answerphone. Does your mother understand what you’re on about?

“Erm, no. But I don’t understand what she’s going on about either. We have this mutual madness thing going on.”

What were you doing ten years ago?

“Working at Kwik Save, selling hip hop mix tapes in Fat City for a tenner, studying fine art and being a nerdy trainspotter.”

And what’s been your personal highlight of the last ten years?

“The whole music thing taking off really well, doing stuff on my own terms is a general highlight. I’ve gone from nought to 60.”

Best album of the last ten years?

“A Tribe Called Quest’s ‘Midnight Marauders’.’’

Has Jockey Slut ever been of any use to you at all?

“It’s always a good toilet read and good for all the new releases. It’s pretty cheeky. I don’t bother with any of the others.”

Ever felt like moving to London like we did?

“No. I like Manchester and London smells and is full of stress. My caffeine intake would quadruple.”

Which three things about Stockport would you highlight in order to convince us to move there?

“It has the largest brick-built structure in northern Europe, the Viaduct; Robinson’s brewery; and its unfeasible abundance of charity shops.”

Have you developed any Troy McLure­like fish perversions?

“I have no idea what you’re on about, but I have to say my relationship with fish is strictly professional.”

Have you ever felt like throwing your arms in the air at the end of a set and declaring: ‘Check me out I’m one of the country’s biggest DJs. Big willy style!’, rather than being all shy and self-deprecating?

“No, though I may manage the occasional wave if I’m feeling exuberant. Or maybe a thumbs up. But I don’t go swapping shirts.”

Kiss have their own condoms and credit cards. What would you like to endorse?

“I’m actually endorsing a pie shop. It’s a stall that goes to festivals. A mobile pie shop, which is the best kind." 

When did you last peruse a car boot sale for tunes?

“Not for a while – a couple of months ago. They’re drying up now, there’s only so many James Last and Tchaikovsky LPs you can stomach. There’s also the disadvantage of them being on a Sunday morning when I’m up all Saturday night. It’s a choice of sleep or car boot sale.” 

You never seem to age.  What is your secret?

“An abundance of pastry and quality cups of tea washed down with pints of real ale.”

Were we right when we said you used to play ‘The Muppets’ at Manumission in Manchester?

“Yeah, I played ‘Tenderly’ by The Grouch. I also played Frank Sinatra. It was definitely daft record time. I played in the cabaret lounge upstairs with Divine David (grotesque drag queen – Ed) so I’m hardly going to play deep house.”

Is there anything you wouldn’t play?

“Anything with the words ‘progressive’, ‘hard’ and ‘trance’ in their description.”

Tell us a secret from your Kwik Save days?

“I was pretty honest, I wasn’t smuggling Vimto or anything. I used to get £1.50 an hour. I used to get on the Tannoy and give out cheeky announcements in a mobile disco­style or ‘local radio voice’.” 

What did Mark Rae mean when he described you as the Lord Of All Sideways Chimp styles?

“Him being a master of the Forward Lizard style – these are kind of martial arts-style dances we do to test out tracks. If I can do the Sideways Chimp and he can do the Jerky Lizard, then the tune’s successful.” 

What one question would you ask of your hero, Brian Cant?

“Fancy doing a tune? What sort? Probably an educational one, a message for the kids. What would we call it? ‘You Fackin’ Cant?’ No, l don’t think I’d call it that. It would probably be more like ‘How To Count To Five’.” 

If you were a cartoon character, who would you be?

“Probably one of my own little men.  I’ve just finished a cartoon which Cosgrove Hall have done. It’s for telly an’ everything.”

What was the last thing you drew?

“I did about 500 for that video. I think the last one was for an advert for Cribbins’ Savoury toothpaste.”

You have been called a glorified school disco DJ. What say thee to this charge?

“Last time I went to a school disco they were playing Shakin’ Stevens and I was eight. I’d like to have a word with whoever called me that though.” 

If you were in prison, who would you least like to be a bitch for?

“George W Bush.”

If your name was followed by a noise, Intel Pentium processor style, what would it be?

“The sound of an oven door opening and a hot pie being removed.”

Which three words would your manager choose to describe you?

 “Very, very silly.” 

Bookend your record collection.

“First record I bought was ‘Green Door’ by Shakin’ Stevens, and the last was a load of new Underground Resistance records. From Shaky to UR – how’s that?”

Name three Andys you admire?

“Andy Votel for his facial hair, Andy Bey for being an unsung jazz legend and I can’t think of any others? Andy Ridgeley (ex-Wham – pop Ed) for his enduring fringe and racing car memories.”

What nicknames have you answered to?

“Just my second name, Carthy. I used to be called Titch because I was about one foot two.”

Who would play you in Mr Scruff – the movie?

“A large potato with legs and arms.”

What’s your most overused phrase?

“‘Mornin’, said in a Bristol accent.”

Have you ever ridden a horse?

“I rode a donkey on a holiday in Wales when I was ten. No horse action.”

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